Fish Jokes

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Welcome to the Think Fish jokes page, we apologise for the poor quality of these jokes!, if you think you can do better, Email us your best fishy jokes A fish swam into a wall and said, "Dam!"

Why did the plaice go to the doctor? - Because he was feeling a bit flat!

What is yellow and dangerous? - Shark infested custard!

What do you call a man with a large flat fish on his head? - Ray!

What do you call a man with a seagull on his head? - Cliff!

What do you call someone who is good at catching fish? - Annette!

What do you call a fish that floats on the surface? - Bob!


Why was the sand wet? - Because the sea weed!

What's the worlds laziest fish? - The kipper!

Which sea creatures cry the most? - Whales!

Why did the fish cross the road? - It was the chicken's day off!

What is an eel's favorite dance? - The conger!

Why couldn't the clownfish afford a house? - Because he didn't have anemone!

Where do fish go to borrow money? - A loan shark!

What did the Sardine call the passing submarine? - A can of People!

Why are Sardines the stupidest fish ever? - They climb into tins - Close the Lid - And then leave the Key on the OUTSIDE!

Why is a fish easy to weigh? - Because it has its own scales!

Which fish is the most valuable? - A Goldfish!

Why are dolphins cleverer than humans? - Within 3 hours they can train a man to stand at the side of a pool and feed them fish!

Where do fish stay on a campsite? - In tentacles!

Where do fish put their rubbish? - In a Whaleie bin!

Where does seaweed look for jobs? - In the 'kelp wanted' adverts!

Where do fish go to watch movies? - At the dive-in!

Why do fish not like computers? - Because they are worried about getting caught in the Internet!

Where do baby fish go every morning? - To plaiceschool!

Where do fish go to complete their education? - Finishing school!

Where do you go to meet the best Fish? - It doesn't matter - any old plaice will do!


Which day do fish hate the most? - Fry-day!

Where do fish go for their holidays? - Finland!

Which fish dresses the best? - The Swordfish - It always looks sharp!

Which seabird can dance? - A pelican can!

What do you call a fish with no eyes? - Fsh!

Two parrots sitting on a perch, one says to the other "Can you smell fish?"

A vet goes to a ladies house to treat her pet dog. After treatment he admires her aquarium with six goldfish of different varieties in it.
The lady says, "yes they are lovely but I don't know what sex they are"
Vet "They are all females"
Lady "How do you know that?"
Vet "Because they all have their mouths opening and shutting continuously!"

Two fish in a tank, one says to the other "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

Two fish in a tank, one says to the other "Its a bit wet in here", the other says, "Blimey, a talking fish!"

A man walks into a fish and chip shop with a fish under his arm and says
"Do you serve fish cakes in here?"
The owner replies no
The man says "that's a shame it's his birthday today"

A great white meets a squid and asks if he's going to the card school, "no, I'm not feeling too well", he says, "but o.k. I'll come". When they get there, they won't let the shark play, as he ran out on his debts. "Look", he says, "here's the sick squid I owe you!"

A fight broke out in the local fish shop...
...The fish got battered

What does a fish wrap round its shoulders to keep warm? - A shoal!

Why are fish boots the warmest ones to wear? - Because they have electric 'eels!

What happens to sleepy fish at the edge of a reef? - They drop off!

Which sea creatures come calling at Christmas? - Coral singers!

What is the best way to communicate with a fish? - Drop it a line!

Which fish can perform operations? - A sturgeon!

Which fish love it when the sea freezes over? - Skates!

What's the difference between a fish and a piano? - You can't tuna fish!

What games do fish like playing the most? - Bass the parcel, Name that tuna, and Tide and seek!

Why do fish like arcade games? - Because they are finball wizards!

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